BROKEN: Relationships & Sexuality

[Read Genesis 3:6-16, 4:1-16; Galatians 5:19-21]

There’s one part of the Heidelberg Catechism that people have difficulty accepting—especially saying. It’s the part we read today, where each of us had to admit this about ourselves: “I have a natural tendency to hate God and my neighbor.” Every time I have people say this, I get the feeling they are choking on their words a bit. I see looks on people’s faces that say something like, “Well, I don’t really have a natural tendency to hate God and my neighbor, but I’m pretty sure the people around me do.”

Then, they get in their car to drive home and the truth is revealed, right? Something happens when we get behind the wheel of a vehicle that reveals this truth. We DO have a natural tendency to hate God and our neighbor and that comes out clearly as we drive our vehicles around town or down the interstate. Someone cuts you off, or passes you then slows down, or can’t keep a steady speed, or hangs in your blindspot for a long time, or rides right on your bumper… And you endure it all with grace and patience, right? Nope. You mutter under your breath. You may honk. You may yell. You may drive a little recklessly. You may tap the brakes a little to make a point.

Can you imagine if we acted this way as we walked down the sidewalk with each other? You’re coming out of a store and see someone walking down the sidewalk and you’re worried they’ll get in front of you and slow you down, so you lung out the door in front of them. Maybe there’s someone already walking in front of you slowly and your walking right behind them—very close behind them—muttering under your breath, or even yelling at them: “Come on! Can’t you go any faster! What’s going on?” Or how about the reverse situation. You’re the slow one walking down the sidewalk and someone is walking very close to you to prove a point, trying to get you to speed up. So, you prove your point by suddenly “tapping on the brakes,” coming to a complete stop, so that they run into you. 

Imagining things this way, only shows us the ridiculousness of the whole thing. And when you take a moment to see how ridiculous it is, you also realize the entire experience is completely selfish. It’s all about you because you have a natural tendency to hate God and neighbor. So do I. And it’s been that way ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the garden. 

A few weeks ago we discussed the way sin has distorted our desires. We no longer desire the right things nor pursue them in the right ways. That’s at the root of this entire section. Flowing out of our distorted desires comes a brokenness in our relationships with God and others. 

Look at the way Adam and Eve interact with God after they ate of the forbidden fruit. The immediate reaction to their sin was to cover themselves—a form of hiding. They immediately went from feeling safe and secure to feeling fear and vulnerability. So, they tried to cover themselves and protect themselves. But the leaves weren’t good enough to hide them. So, when they heard God coming, they amplified things and hid themselves among the trees. God asks where they are, not because he doesn’t know, but as a way to get them to admit what they’ve done. Adam answers, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” (Genesis 3:10, ESV). 

What we see here is a separation between humanity and God. That’s what sin does. It forces a wedge between us and God. We no longer feel comfortable in God’s presence, but uncomfortable. We feel shame and vulnerability and fear because we know we’ve fallen short—haven’t measured up. And this has been passed down from generation to generation ever since. Ever since this moment, humanity’s relationship with God has been broken and in need of healing. Ever since this moment, we’ve had a natural tendency to hate God. 

Yet, not everyone would agree with that, would they? They would agree that our relationship with God is broken, but not that we hate God. Yet, look at the way Adam speaks to God when confronted with his sin: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12, ESV). Rather than admitting his own sin, he points the finger at God. Then, look at the next chapter, and the way Cain speaks to God when confronted with his sin: “Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?”” (Genesis 4:9, ESV). I may be reading into this a bit, but this seems like a very sneyd comment. I almost picture Cain responding like, “How am I supposed to know where my brother is? Is it MY job to keep track of him? Isn’t that your job? Aren’t you the one who knows all things? Aren’t you the one who is our Creator and Protector and Sustainer?” 

There is a natural tendency in all of us to hate God. There’s a natural tendency to blame God whenever things don’t go the way we think they should go. There’s a natural tendency to mouth off to God when confronted with our sin. It wasn’t always this way. We weren’t created this way. But it’s been that way ever since the human race was polluted with our sinful nature. Since that moment, we’ve been separated from God and have a natural tendency to hate him. 

There’s also been a natural tendency to hate each other ever since that moment. One of the clearest examples of this comes in Genesis 4, right after Adam and Eve’s sin. They have two boys: Abel and Cain. One worked with animals and the other worked with crops. The time came for both of them to bring their offerings before the Lord. God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but didn’t accept Cain’s. Why? Some have tried to say that God accepted Abel’s because it was an animal sacrifice and rejected Cain’s because it was a grain offering. That’s not right. Both sacrifices were approved by God. So what was it, then? We’re told in Hebrews: “By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain…” (Hebrews 11:4, ESV). Abel brought his offering by faith and Cain did not. That’s why Abel’s offering was accepted and Cain’s wasn’t. 

So, what does Cain do? He repents and turns to God in faith, right? No. He gets angry and envious and sin overtakes him. He lures Abel into the field and kills his brother in cold blood. It’s a clear picture of the way sin has caused our relationships with each other to be broken as well. Now, because of sin, we not only have a natural tendency to hate God, but we also have a natural tendency to hate our neighbor. 

We even see this tendency between husband and wife. Remember, this is a fundamental relationship—one that’s so close it’s described as being “one flesh.” Yet, look what happens after sin enters the picture and Adam’s confronted with his sin: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12, ESV). Immediately, redirecting the blame from himself to his wife. “It’s HER fault!” That’s not unity and closeness. That’s pointing to a separation happening in the fundamental relationship of marriage. 

Yet, we also need to look at what God says to Eve about the consequences of their sin. He says, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, ESV). There’s a lot of focus on the “pain in childbearing” part of this, but not as much on the last part. Yet, this is also a consequence of the Fall that we need to understand properly. 

The ESV translates this as saying, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, ESV) but it’s better translated, “Your desire shall be for your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16). To understand what this is getting at, we can turn to the same phrase used in the next chapter. God says this to Cain, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7, ESV) or “sin’s desire is for you.” The way the Bible is using the word “desire” in this instance is a desire to control. God was telling Cain that sin was crouching at his door, desiring to control him or overtake him. When God explains the consequences of sin to Eve, he was telling her that her desire would be to control Adam and overtake him, but that Adam would rule over her.

There’s a lot to talk about in this little phrase, but let me tell you the main point of this consequence of sin. There is going to be tension between husband and wife, each trying to “rule over” the other. The relationship is broken from its initial unity and beauty. Now, there are power plays coming into the picture. The fundamentally close relationship between husband and wife is now broken. 

And before I move on from this point, I need to say a few things that are really important. Some have pointed to this and said, “See, male headship is a result of the Fall, that’s why we shouldn’t practice it any more.” Even though it’s unpopular to say anymore, that’s not an accurate understanding of this passage. In 1 Timothy 2:13 we read that male headship is based on the order of creation. Adam was created first, that’s why he’s given leadership and responsibility over the family and his wife. So, male headship is not based on the Fall but on Creation. 

But here’s the consequence of sin, male headship is going to be a mess. Men will misuse and abuse the authority and responsibility that has been given to them. Women will misuse and abuse the roles given to them. Rather than husband and wife leading and being led in a beautiful dance, husband and wife begin to battle with one another for power and authority. The relationship between men and women—and the roles that go along with that relationship—have been broken and are in need of healing. As much as we may struggle to admit it, because of our sinful nature, we have a natural tendency to hate our spouse—who is our closest neighbor. 

Sin has broken our relationship with God and our relationships with other people. It has caused each of us to have a natural tendency to hate our God and our neighbor. And this works itself out into every corner of our lives—even our sexuality. 

Notice what we read in Galatians 5:19-21: “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19–21, ESV). In this passage our sinful nature is described as “the flesh” and it says that the actions that flow from our sinful nature are clear. The actions that flow from our tendency to hate God and neighbor are CLEAR. 

Then we read a list of some of those actions. Notice the first three on the list: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality. Why list three? Why not sum them up with one? Because he is pointing out the brokenness of our sexuality. Interestingly, every time we read a list of sinful actions in the Bible, none of them are exhaustive lists, but all of them—or almost all of them—include something about sexual sin and it’s often repeated and time or two. This is a way of emphasizing sexual sin as a CLEAR example of our sinful nature. We could say it another way: Ever since sin corrupted the human race, the way we’ve used our sexuality has made it CLEAR that we are a sinful people. Or to put it more starkly: Ever since sin corrupted the human race, we have a natural tendency to use our sexuality in our pursuit of hating God and hating our neighbor. 

In the midst of that bleak picture, there’s hope. In Ephesians we’re given a similarly bleak picture: “remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.” (Ephesians 2:12, ESV). Because of our sin, we were separated from God and from each other—we had a natural tendency to hate our God and our neighbor. “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both [Jew and Gentile] one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility…” (Ephesians 2:13–14, ESV). Through Christ our relationship with God and our relationship with other people is restored and being renewed. 

At one point, because of our sin, we were far from God, awkward in his presence, trying to hide from him, running away from him, even hating him by our words and actions. But when we put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ we receive forgiveness and cleansing from our sin. The old has passed away and the new has come, and, through the work of the Holy Spirit, we are continually being renewed and restored in our relationship with God. We are ever drawing nearer to him, feeling comfortable in his presence, and loving him. 

The same is true of our relationships with other people. At one point, because of our sin, we hated our neighbor. We blamed them for our problems. We showed anger, envy, frustration, and hatred toward our neighbor. But when we put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ we receive forgiveness and cleansing from those sins, and through the work of the Holy Spirit, we are renewed and restored. We begin to love and serve our neighbor. We begin to take ownership of our actions. 

And, when it comes to our marriages, it’s no longer about a power struggle—one lording it over the other. Rather, we are restored in our roles as husband and wife. Our marriage begins to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. Husbands begin to lay down their lives for their wives and their children as they provide leadership and take responsibility over the home and family. Wives begin to support their husbands and their families as they submit to the leadership of their husbands and serve their families. And because of Christ’s redemption, this relationship becomes a beautiful thing for the world to see. 

And, finally, Christ’s redemption stretches into our sexuality. Because of Christ’s redemption, we no longer use our sexuality to hate God and neighbor, but our sexuality becomes a tool for expressing true love for God and true love for our neighbor. The question becomes, “How do I love God with my sexuality?” and “How do I love my neighbor with my sexuality?” It’s no longer about us, but about God and our neighbor (I know I’m leaving this vague for the moment, but we’ll be diving into it deeper as we go throughout the next few sermons). 

Apart from Christ, we have a natural tendency to hate God and our neighbor—even as we express our sexuality. However, through Christ’s redemption, we can begin to love God and love our neighbor with every aspect of our life—including our sexuality.