Stop Shouting, Start Listening
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19, ESV)
“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (Proverbs 17:27–28, ESV)
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19–20, ESV)
A Repeated Refrain
Over the past month of chaos throughout our country, I’ve noticed one repeated refrain throughout social media: “Stop talking about…” It comes up over and over again from every side of whatever issue is being discussed. Each side telling the other side to be quiet and stop talking.
Yet, that’s not the whole story, is it? While one side is telling the other side to “Stop talking,” they are—at the same time—telling people that their silence makes them complicit in the guilt of the other side. So, if I’m not talking about racism, I’m complicit in that racism. If I’m not talking about the importance of the police, I’m complicit in the rioting. I could keep going. I’ve read it all over the past month.
So, we’re being told to stop talking about one side of the argument but “guilt-tripped” into talking about the other side of the argument. Stop talking, but don’t.
Refusing to Listen
What’s really going on is that each side refuses to listen to the other side. That’s why they’re telling them to “Stop talking…” In shouting this phrase over and over again, they are saying, “I will not listen to what you have to say anymore. So, just keep your mouth shut. I WILL NOT LISTEN.”
When we stop listening to each other—listening to opinions we disagree with—we end up digging into our own trenches and refusing to get out. That’s why the division in our country is increasing. We continue to shut down any voice that disagrees with our opinion and saturate ourselves with people who only say what we want to hear. By doing this, we dig ourselves deeper into our own trenches.
An Unwise Situation
This is where Proverbs is helpful. Over the years, I’ve had the practice of reading a chapter of Proverbs every day. It’s a great practice. The book of Proverbs is all about how to live wisely in the world. It shows us how God has created us to live in the world and to interact with one another.
Each time I read through the book of Proverbs, one major point stands out to me: Keep your mouth shut and listen. Here are a couple: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19, ESV).
I love this next one: “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (Proverbs 17:27–28, ESV). Yes, even a fool can look wise if he keeps his mouth shut.
Stop Shouting, Start Listening
This needs to be the inclination of the Christian in the midst of these tumultuous times. We need to resist the urge to shout people down and tell them to “Stop talking…” Rather, we need to listen to what they are trying to say. We need to follow James’ advice: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…” (James 1:19, ESV).
We don’t have to agree with someone to listen to them. Also, listening to someone doesn’t make us complicit in their mistakes. It means that we are keeping our mouth shut long enough to understand why this person feels the way they feel, why they believe the things they believe, and why they act the way they act. Keeping our mouth shut and listening forces us to treat this person with dignity and respect—even if we disagree with them—and forces us to humble ourselves—considering them more significant than ourselves (Phil 2:3-4).
Take Someone Out to Coffee and Keep Quiet
So, here’s the action point for this week. Take someone out for coffee that you disagree with. Then, keep your mouth shut and listen (except when you need to take a sip of coffee). Yet, do more than just listen, ask questions and try to understand. Why do they feel the way they feel, believe the things they believe, and act the way they act? Resist the temptation to argue with them. Listen, ask questions, and work hard at understanding.