The Gift of Difficult Assignments

“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:6–9, ESV)

(This post is one in a series interacting with Leonard Vander Zee’s presentation at an All One Body gathering on October 8, 2020. Click here to see more posts in this series.) 

Downplaying Marriage

The next portion of Leonard’s argument leaves me scratching my head. He begins by pointing 1 Corinthians 7 and saying, “[Paul] is not exactly a strong advocate of marriage for his fellow Christians. He writes that he would prefer that those who are not married remain that way in the light of the coming Kingdom of God.”

This is a curious statement in a presentation arguing for the approval of same-sex marriage. If Paul is not a “strong advocate of marriage,” then why is Leonard advocating so strongly for same-sex marriage? It seems contradictory. If marriage isn't a big deal, then it’s not a big deal if same-sex attracted people aren’t allowed to marry, right? 

The Main Argument

However, that’s not the end of Leonard’s argument. He says, “But [Paul] also acknowledges that not all people have the gift of celibacy like he does.” Leonard get’s this from Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 7:7: “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Leonard builds his main argument on this foundation. Here’s what he says: “[Paul] is clearly talking about a gift that’s not available to everyone, the gift of celibacy. To those without this gift, Paul goes on to say, ‘it is better to marry than to constantly struggle with sexual desire.’…So, why do we say to straight people that it is better to marry than to struggle with desire, but not to Gay people?” 

To sum things up, here’s Leonard’s argument. The gift of celibacy is not a universal gift. Those without the gift of celibacy are told to marry so that they no longer burn with sexual desire. Therefore, those burning with same-sex desire should be allowed to marry if they don’t have the gift of celibacy. 

What Gift Is Paul Talking About?

Here’s my first issue with this argument: Is Paul actually talking about the gift of celibacy? He never explicitly uses the word “celibacy.” He simply says, “But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” (1 Corinthians 7:7). So, what “gift” is Paul talking about?

It seems clearer to understand this statement along with one that follows it: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” (1 Corinthians 7:17, ESV).

If we connect these two statements, Paul is speaking about MORE THAN celibacy. He’s talking about “the life that the Lord has assigned” to every Christian, and he calls that assignment a gift. For some, God has assigned them to be married and raise a family. This is a gift from God. For others, God has assigned them a life of singleness—celibacy. This is also a gift from God. “One of one kind and one of another” (1 Cor 7:7).

Celibacy Is NOT a Spiritual Gift

There’s an important distinction that needs to be made in this argument. Yes, celibacy is a gift from God—if he assigns it to you. However, celibacy should NOT be considered a spiritual gift. 

Leonard is wrong when he calls celibacy “a gift that’s not available to everyone.” God has assigned everyone the gift of celibacy from the time we’re born until we’re married. And, according to Paul, we must see this assignment as a gift.  

The Gift of Difficult Assignments

God’s assignments aren’t always easy, but they are always a gift. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul teaches that marriage isn’t the solution to all our problems. Sure, it may help with sexual desires, but it brings in a host of other struggles—divided interests and anxiety about caring for your family (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Yet, if the Lord has given you this assignment, even though it is difficult, it is still a gift of God. 

Yet, as I talk to my single friends, they remind me that singleness isn’t the solution to all our problems either. Sure, they are freed up to invest more time, energy, and resources to “the things of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32), but it brings its own struggles: sexual desires, loneliness, and anxiety about the future. Yet, if the Lord has given you this assignment, even though it is difficult, it is still a gift of God. 

The same thing applies to those who struggle with same-sex desires. God has not given them the option of acting on those desires, and marriage isn’t the solution to their problems anyway. The solution is to “lead the life that the Lord has assigned” (1 Cor 7:17). Of course, that life is going to be hard. Of course there will be struggles with sexual desire and loneliness and anxiety. Yet, if the Lord has given you this assignment, even though it is difficult, it is still a gift of God.

Just Like Everyone Else

It’s always tempting to think we’re unique in our struggles and temptations. It’s easy to think, “No one REALLY understands how I’m feeling right now.” That’s just not true—for any of us. 

I have close friends who have been married a long time. I have close friends who have been single for a long time. I have close friends who have wrestled with same-sex attraction for a long time, but have committed themselves to celibacy. Guest what? All of those friends have unique benefits and unique struggles in the life God has assigned them—“One of one kind and one of another” (1 Cor 7:7). Just like everyone else. 

God Is Faithful

This is what Paul reminds us later in  1 Corinthians, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV). We can be confident of two things: 1) our temptations aren’t as unique as we think they are, 2) God is faithful. And since God is faithful, we WILL endure the temptations that come our way—no matter how difficult.  

This is where we need to center the conversation. Yes, singleness is hard. Yes, marriage is hard. Yes, wrestling with same-sex desires is hard. But THANKS BE TO GOD that He is faithful enough to walk with us through these difficult callings, giving us strength and endurance to finish the race, as we look forward to the reward (Hebrews 11:26).